Chester to Llandudno

At Chester station groups of middle-aged men shuffle towards the exit, Racing Posts beneath arms, Debenhams shirts tucked in jeans, breakfast beers on breath.

London Marylebone to Stratford-Upon-Avon

You never get used to seeing an Underground train operating over-ground, there’s something not quite right about it; like being a kid and seeing your teacher in the supermarket.

London Waterloo to Bournemouth

You don’t need to look out the window as a young child down the carriage excitedly points out all the good stuff; “Airplane! …Digger! …Loads of cows!”

Maze Hill to Aylesford

A woman in the upstairs kitchen of the Steam Packet pub butters bread with a disinterested yet habitual efficiency.

Scarborough to Hull

The combination of a wet tiled floor and inefficient footwear meaning you skid into the booking hall doorway like Tom Cruise in Risky Business.

Retford to York

You can’t kill time at Retford station; you can only prolong its suffering.

Stansted Airport to Peterborough

A bearded man in a plaid shirt ploughs steadily through an entire pack of Marks & Spencer’s Dutch Shortcake like a gluttonous metronome.

Doncaster to Hessle

The first stop is Kirk Sandall, which sounds more like a fake alias than a village. “Hi, I’m Kirk Sandall… Kent Moccasin… Sergio Espadrille.”

Scarborough to York

Outside the station a trio of taxi drivers each tear through Cornettos with the sort of reckless abandon they would normally reserve for narrow residential side-streets.

Doncaster to York

So heavy and so hard is the rain that it would render Peter Kay too sodden to come up with a reasonable anecdote about its density.